It’s time to pick up where we left off...we've got some catching up to do!
It’s been almost a year since my last post at which point I’d just decided to embark on a law degree, I'm happy to report that’s still carrying on and there will be more on that in another post. 2014 was another very tough year for me, watching the person I loved suffer with loneliness and struggling with my own depression, trying to be there for her and be the person she needed to pull out of it was tough. In August we made the decision to move from Norwich to London because I couldn't see a way out for her where we were. That decision paid off for her almost instantly, she found a new job that she loved, found new friends that she loved and sadly: found a new man too. She moved out a few weeks ago. The song of Gat Slinga Lomill and the Englishman has been sung.
The truth is I lost myself in 2014, buried under the weight of being someone I thought someone else needed rather than being who I was. For some reason I assumed that person wouldn't be enough. 2015 then must be about me being enough. Although the end wasn't what I would have wanted, it has left me in a better position than before. I live in a lovely one bed apartment in central London, my rent is £1000 less than my next door neighbour. For the first few months of living here I looked out of the window and I could see the London eye, the Tower of London and Big Ben, now I understand what I'm really looking at is opportunity. I told Lomill when we first spoke about the move here that if you can’t sort yourself out and find what you need here, you won’t do it anywhere. That advice applies to me as much as anyone. My brother told me to be selfish, take what I need from London then move on. It’s good advice.
John Lennon once said that “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans” well life has happened but I'm lucky that plans have not changed, I still have my degree and I'm genuinely loving the law, I'm realising that I know next to nothing about it but I can’t wait to develop those skills and I'm looking forward to putting myself against other people for internships, pupillage's, vacation schemes and work placements. I think I stack up against anyone.
I'm sorry I didn't keep up with this last year, it would have been comforting to look back on all of the year, not just the tough bits and there were highlights. Spain was beautiful, I made good friends and London feels like it could be home. I laughed more than I cried last year. I'm looking forward to this year, to finding myself again. I hope I can find what I'm looking for.. As Rodger Murtagh said: "I'm getting too old for this shit."
I’ll leave you with this from author Michael Marshall:
“Time is a lake, getting deeper year by year, drop by drop. Surface tension, the electric presence of our staccato acts, keeps us scuttling like water bugs on its surface, unmindful of the depths we traverse. We're safe, afloat in the now, until we stop moving and begin to sink into the past. Only then do we realize how important all those yesterdays were, how they hold each present moment to the sun; and how many people we leave behind, stricken in time like ambered insects.”
Roll on 2k15.
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